Are you a ”Pleaser”? That person that tries to make everyone happy and in the end you become weary, unhappy and even resentful. Or, maybe you simply are not able to say”No” because it‘s not in your nature and you have a fear of not being liked.
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If you think either one sounds familiar or both than take a step back and really try to evaluate the toll it may be taking on you physically and or emotionally to your overall well being. After you have had a chance to ponder these questions you may want to ask yourself if you have the proper boundaries in place at work, school, with friends & family and any other significant group in your life.
If you do not fall in to one of these categories or are a reformed “pleaser“ who couldn’t say “No” but later learned how, then it is probably because you have implemented boundaries that you have consciously chosen to live by which can be helpful with overall wellness.
Boundaries are those invisible lines we draw around situations and sometimes people or groups in order to maintain our self dignity and maintain our own code of the way we choose to live our lives. This can sometimes present a clash when coming across a friend, family member, coworker, boss or anyone else that may try to push the limits of your boundaries or fail to respect them. “Pushing Back” against those that don’t or won’t respect them isn’t always easy nor is it always looked upon favorably. That is why first knowing what they are in regards to certain situations or people is crucial to being able to implement them and stick to them. Having confidence in yourself and your beliefs is important. If you are trying to implement boundaries with a new situation you are facing communication is the key to helping others understand what your boundaries encompass. Once you have done that your job is over and it is their job to respect them.
If you read my post “What I Know Now but Wish I’d Known Sooner.....” pay particular attention to #8 & #16. The first, #8 “Not everyone is going to like you be at peace with that fact“ & #16 says “ You don’t owe others explanations for your actions unless you choose to”. Both are important in learning and perfecting the art of well being when it comes to boundaries. If I had to choose, I would say #16 is crucially important. Unless you have a compelling reason, you are free to “Do You” and those that may struggle with this may not have a place in your life either for the short term or permanently.
We probably have all heard that saying “ What others think of me is none of my business“ by Eleanor Roosevelt. This may be one of the most profound statements she ever made. I love many of her quotes but this sticks with me as especially meaningful in regards to this topic.
#HarvardBusinessReview just posted an article on #LinkedIn titled “How to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think of You” written by Michael Gervais. In this article, he talks about FOPO or “Fear of Other People’s Opinions” mostly relating it to business but the pearls of wisdom are applicable to your personal life as well. He talks about the importance of cultivating self awareness and a strong sense of who we are as individuals. I love where he talks about creating a personal philosophy which is a word or phrase that expresses basic beliefs and values.
You can read the full article at the following link:
https://hbr.org/2019/05/how-to-stop-worrying-about-what-other-people-think-of-you
I have contemplated my personal philosophy in the past before having read this HBR article when defining my personal brand and it is hard to get it down to a word or key phrase but mine evolved to “Courage & Conviction”. This is right in line with my boundaries. It is my mission to have the courage to stand tall with my boundaries and the conviction to implement them even under the toughest of situations including standing firm when you feel like you are the only one swimming upstream.
I think as human beings we all have “FOPO” what Michael Gervais discusses in his article but learning to mitigate it will increasingly allow us to live by our personal philosophy. In crafting one for yourself, it will help provide a framework in which you can refer back to when ever you may feel the pangs of doubt creep up on you.
XO & #StayCurious
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