Years ago I had a friend who I considered one of my closest girlfriends and one day she stopped calling, stopped inquiring about Friday and weekend plans. I was not only devastated but I was heartbroken and left to wonder what had happened. The worst part was I had to see her everyday and it was awful. The silence was deafening but the second guessing , what if’s and trying to decipher the real reason drove me nutty. All I could come up with were some petty misunderstandings but in my mind all I could think about was that I thought we had worked through them.
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Some years later I experienced something similar having been dropped off a Christmas Cookie exchange invite list without warning. I asked around about why the hostess may have done this and no one could give me a reason. Me being me, I went to the source and was blocked by unanswered calls, short texts saying she would get back with me (which she never did) and promises to talk it out that never happened. I was again left wondering....What the hell happened.
Sometimes when we least expect it we are blindsided by these types of scenarios and left to wonder for days, weeks, months or even years what went wrong. Sometimes we may get a half hearted explanation but deep in our gut know it is more BS than truth. In today’s world I think this might be called ghosting. This is a lack of communication that is intentional by the other party to shut you down or avoid conflict but denying the other person or party a proper opportunity to clarify things, speak their mind and gain closure. Closure does matter and it is the least someone can do when they want to end a connection. Many times people , as in my case with the scenarios mentioned, are too scared, indifferent or just too selfish to understand the hurtfulness of being on the receiving end of this behavior.
Closure is how we process things and find their proper place in our world that eventually allows us to accept what happened , put it behind us and move on. However, if someone refuses to talk to you about the situation we all must find a way to gain closure on our own and move on in a healthy way. For me, it took a while to process these events and the side of these people I once considered a friend and that they were capable of acting so unkindly.
What I later learned was the best way to heal was to send them love and happiness because they were struggling more than I was. Anyone that lacks the ability to properly communicate their feelings or feels too guilty to discuss and possibly work through a disagreement must have been treated this way themselves and it has become a learned behavior. What is most disappointing is the realization that they never respected you the way you may have believed they did in the first place.
Not all friendships, work relationships, romantic relationships or family relationships work out just the way we hope they will long term. However, if you have to walk away then do so but have the dignity and respect to allow others closure because it is important for them and no doubt will come to visit you in the same manner just as karma tells us it will if you choose not to give others what they are due.
XO & #StayCurious
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