When your kids are small it is (believe it or not) one of the easier chapters in parenting. Yes, I know about the late night feedings, pure exhaustion and juggling multiple things at once. Chasing a toddler around is non stop and navigating the early school years with new experiences, homework and the politics of the PTA can be rough.
[Photo Credit: Wix Stock Photos]
As kids turn to tweens and teens it really takes courage to be a parent first and friend second. We all want to have a close bond with our kids and the awkward stages of tween and teen years can be trying on everyone. This is a time of experimentation and kids trying to find their identity separate from mom or dad. Our kids are like anyone else, we want them to not just love us but like us. Who hasn’t thought that they wanted to be the “cool” parent and have an accepting policy for anything their teen throws at them. Setting curfews, calling our kids out on misbehavior , recognizing when our kids have a serious problem is heavy stuff. Wouldn’t it be much easier to sweep it under the rug and let them think the world is Disneyland for their taking and be their partner in crime because it is way more fun. Don’t get me wrong, having a strong connection and closeness is essential for your kids and nurturing a strong bond important. But there comes a time when we as parents have to be willing to be unpopular and perhaps downright not liked because in the world of teen parenting sometimes this is part of the job description.
When we decide to be a friend first and parent second it is possible we have not been setting boundaries that allow kids to understand the world does not revolve around them. If we fail to properly impose consequences for our children when they blatantly go against our boundaries we have to realize what message we are sending them. It really does take courage to be “ the bad guy” but when we sign up to become parents this is part of the gig.
I have come to believe the love affair we have with our kids when they are little and sweet and loving us nonstop is to prepare us for the hard “winter” of parenting ahead. I have seen parents that try as they may don’t stick to boundaries they set for their kids and they walk all over them. I can’t say I haven’t caved at times to the unrelenting whims or desires of my kids when I knew better but I like to think of the 90/10 law. If you are doing what you need to do 90% of the time you can give yourself and kids a break every now and then on the small stuff. However, on big issues like alcohol, drugs, driving , dating , lying etc you have to have a firm grasp on your boundaries and make your kids accountable when they cross them. What are you really doing by giving them a pass or worse yet helping them cross over your boundaries by blowing them off because it is easier to be the good cop instead of the bad one.
Parenting really does take courage but also encouragement. Build your village of support but don’t worry what the other family is doing. I can’t tell you how many times I heard “ but so and so’s mom and dad don’t care” or “Their parents allow alcohol or weed”. Don’t let it sway you. If you can’t stand up to your own kids and “just say No” then who will? In the end, you have to ask yourself is it more important for my kid to like me during the teen years or respect me. I chose “respect” but hoped to have both. However, there were plenty of times it would have been a lot more fun to just be the friend but knowing in my heart that wasn’t going to make either one of us a better person in the long run.
XO & #StayCurious
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