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Writer's pictureSusan NeCastro

That Moment When You Move From Parent to Advisor......Hopefully!!!

And then it happens. One day you are #parenting as you always have and then you realize something has changed. This is not about the empty nest phenomenon but it is about its closely related cousin. This is about the shift in the dynamic of your relationship with your grown “child“ that is either subtle or hits you over the head so hard you see stars. So, if you haven’t been paying close enough attention it may come as a shock to you that your children may have made the transition to young adults right under your nose without you fully realizing it until one day you finally do.


[Photo Credit: Wix stock Photos]


You may experience this realization at a predictable milestone such as graduation or college drop off weekend but it may come at another time over the most mundane topic such as a shower head they loved that you changed in their bathroom without their consent. When they let you know of their displeasure over this change you realize maybe you screwed up. You never asked them what they thought because you still thought of them as a child with you making all the decisions. It is at this kind of moment you realize it’s time for a change and it is the first step in a seismic shift in your parent/child (now young adult) relationship.

They are no longer interested in YOUR rules and expectations but are crafting their own lives that don’t necessarily include any meaningful input from you. Hopefully it will but not necessarily. They have their own preferences, likes, dislikes and expect to have meaningful input on everything. You may become a trusted advisor but the transition is filled with treachery. Let the negotiations and more listening instead of talking begin.

From the day we become a parent our actions, thoughts, hopes and dreams revolve around our children. Nothing is ever the same again. Your identity changes forever so much so that pretty soon after becoming a parent and a few years down the road after another baby is on the way you can’t remember what it is like to function in a world without your children being your first thought and concern the minute you wake up. It goes by in the blink of an eye watching your kids go from toddlers to contemplating life after high school. It is such a cliche but so very true.

In my world, I must admit I was unaware I had not fully crossed the threshold of accepting my children as adults but all the while believing I had done so. It was a harsh jolt and in another blink of an eye my identity as a parent once again changed. The growing pains can be harsh but with love , patience and understanding on both sides this next phase can be better than the rest. I consider my kids my best friends but when they were younger I always put my role as a parent first and foremost. Now it’s different. This caterpillar mom has become a parental butterfly and will guide and advise when asked but will also flit and fly around on my own adventures having left a lot of the heavy lifting of parenting behind me.

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